Free Your Mind to Attract Women

I remember a certain gentleman I ran into in a bar once. I knew him before, vaguely, but I had never given him any relationship advice. He seemed genuinely forlorn, looking down into his beer. Giving me only a perfunctory smile, he went back to his reverie.

Pulling up a stool, I asked him what was wrong. He nodded over to a table occupied by four quite stunning women. As a matter of fact, one of them was repeatedly glancing over at him. And while I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was, I figured I could guess.

"She's been giving you the eye for the past few minutes," I said. He just nodded, then shyly snuck a glance.

Of course, he knew full well. He just couldn't muster up the courage to do anything about it.

I'm not going to pretend the story had a happy ending, because the ladies settled their bill and were gone ten minutes later. My friend was only beating himself up more.

I understood his shyness, because I used to suffer from it as well. And while a fear of approaching women is not something you can just turn off like a switch, understanding what it is can make it easier to work through it.

My new friend had a pretty sure thing that night. The object of his affection was doing everything right: glancing at him repeatedly, lightly touching herself after the glance, even walking past him, deliberately I thought, to use the washroom. Yet he couldn't muster up the courage to talk to her.

He didn't believe in himself. He was too attached to the risk of his own "failure".

We talked for another two hours. I outlined the root of his problem, which was that he was too attached to his ego.

"I don't have an ego," he said. But he does. We all do. It's how we view ourselves, our place in the world. Sometimes we hold that precious cargo too close to our hearts. How others view us can sometimes be damaging, and that fear of getting a negative "review" by others can sometimes be debilitating. Letting go of it is the key to getting rid of your fear of failure.

He was actually a pretty attractive guy. He couldn't see that, of course. He was too wrapped up in his own limitations to succeed. His entire worldview revolved around how others saw him, or I should say, how he thought others saw him. I explained to him that he is holding that view of himself too close, and it was time for it to go.

Remember that the next time you catch a glance from across the room. Detach your ego and go for it!